You survived ninety-eight consecutive days of summer camp carpools and damp towels on the bathroom floor. Now the house is silent, and you have a brief golden window before fall sports and holiday chaos take over. Here is your official permission slip to leave the kids behind for a 2-to-4-night high-low luxury reset within three hours of St. Louis.

I am not a cruise person. In fact, being trapped on a floating mall with thousands of people is my literal nightmare. After a recent "nickel-and-dime" disaster on a mass-market ship, I swore them off forever—until I found the exception. Here is my honest review of the adults-only, anti-cruise line that actually meets the "Goose Standard." (Hint: It involves a hammock and a Tomahawk steak).