I am not a cruise person. In fact, being trapped on a floating mall with thousands of people is my literal nightmare. After a recent "nickel-and-dime" disaster on a mass-market ship, I swore them off forever—until I found the exception. Here is my honest review of the adults-only, anti-cruise line that actually meets the "Goose Standard." (Hint: It involves a hammock and a Tomahawk steak).

I have a rule in my business: I don't book anything I wouldn't sleep in myself. It exists because of one rainy night in Oakland, a stained wall, and a useless 800-number. Here is why "Cheap" is actually the most expensive way to travel.